So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
