That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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