apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
