You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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