Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
