The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize