Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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