So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
