OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
