dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
