Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
