Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
