In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
