community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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