Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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