Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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