dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
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Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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