I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
