so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
MIDGETS
????
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
