Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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