There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
