I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
