giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
