Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
