Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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