Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
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