he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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