I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
