Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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