You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
