Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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