Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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