I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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