Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
