but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
