if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
