You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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