my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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