Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dicks are not precious.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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