4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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