I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just want nice things and good sex
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
