Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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