Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
