so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
