I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
