Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
