You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
