My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
operation have a gay friend backfired
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
