And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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