he shaved USA in his pubs
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
