What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just blew my weed a kiss
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
