He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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