I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
