He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
