U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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