I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
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There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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