please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
