"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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