I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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