I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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