I'm going to jail i love you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
