I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Drake has all the answers
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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