haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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