i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
