i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he thought i was a dude.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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