eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
