And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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