dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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