Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
