you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
