I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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