if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
