The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
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he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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