You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
