dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
