if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
