There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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