K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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